Here’s what conflict can do to the heart. Or a better way to put, an opportunity to cleanse it. My friend’s wife ask…

Here’s what conflict can do to the heart. Or a better way to put, an opportunity to cleanse it.

My friend’s wife asked a scholar (daughter of the Grand Mufti) about a particular issue many of us too have. She said there are some people she just doesn’t get along with despite no apparent reason. Not just in terms of conversation, but even those with minimal exchange in the past.

For example each time they meet in a gathering, they would greet one another but friction is in the air and it’s unclear why.

The scholar then said, in the future when you come across a poor person or a beggar, give them some money and intend it in your heart that the money is not from you but from the person you’re having issues with.

She then tried it and again for no apparent reason, things open up between her and the person she donated on behalf. Those previously whom she didn’t get along with directly or indirectly, suddenly things became courteous and friendships began.

The intention and its sincerity are important.

*For those interested in a slightly different context, consider reading Linda Polman’s book ‘We Did Nothing: Why the Truth Doesn’t Always Come Out When the UN Goes In.’ This post is more about humans but applies beyond, including the international politics context that Polman discusses.

Months later I had the chance to ask the much younger brother of the same scholar. I told him what his sister said. He added, ‘even better but more difficult, would be to give gifts to the person you’re having issues with. Put aside the ego, and give.’

تهادو تحابو

He then quoted the Prophet (pbuh) who said something that sounds far more beautiful in Arabic, that is – exchange gifts as that will lead to increasing your love to one another.

*The photo though is a boy I was observing, in love with his Lord, pleading for more gifts.

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